Who am I? I am just a worthless woman. My life was not holy just like the other Jews. I lived in a sinful life. Sometimes I think that GOD doesn’t care about my life. For the first time I fell into the adultery life, I feel guilty that I betrayed God’s law, but when I want to repent for my sin…. I was afraid…. really… I was afraid.
According to the Moses law, every people that commit adultery must be punished by stoned until death… yes I know it even I have done a sinful act. Where should I go then? I am not worthy anymore in front of GOD, that’s why I continue this life, day by day, year by year to search for the true love, to search for the true man that can comfort me into their arms.
I lost my virginity once when my first boyfriend rapped me. I was ashamed and I am crying… why this happened to me? No one answer and no one can help me. The Pharisee? Forget that stupid idea! They only know how to judge people but they are never help them. Ok, ok, they knew everything about Torah… but somehow I can’t approach those guys… I know they are evil, but compared with my life, I far more evil.
After my boyfriend has my virginity, he left me without saying a word…. well, what should I do then? I can’t go further to GOD because I have sinned already. I know that my heart empty…. I need love… a true love…. a love that can reform myself into the new woman. I search for the true man… hope that they can embrace me…. always there when I cry…… and…… never work. Once I meet with a man… they always see my body and then…. they just have a pleasure on me. All of them can’t give me a love that I hope and finally my heart always feels empty.
No… I don’t want to live my life like this anymore, but somehow my last boyfriend keep asking me to sleep with him. Then…. in one morning (I will not forget this nightmare), suddenly the Jews around neighborhood got inside the house. They are so many Jews, hundreds of them, with a loud voice, condemn me and suddenly drag me from my house…. They treat me like an animal, I even didn’t put a half of my cloth yet. Hundreds of people spit me right into my face; some of them slap my face, no… this is nightmare for me, HELP! SOMEBODY HELP ME! but it’s useless… no one can hear my voice in the middle of the crowds. I think this is it… yes…. finally I will be punished by stoned until death. A death penalty…. ok, this is my last time finally….
Before I die, somehow, both my heart and my soul crying unto The Lord. In the middle of the crowds I began to pray “O GOD, Jehovah, GOD of my ancestor Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. I always knew generation by generation that You always keep Your promise. I know that I have sinned against You. I am ready to die GOD, yes… I am ready to die. One thing that I want to ask you: Please forgive my sin….” Well, I don’t know if GOD really hears my pray or not… Almost all the people beat me until I am in a half of unconscious.
In the middle of my unconscious, I laid down into the ground but I know that I have been dragged to some one with a great influence. I just only see his feet, but I don’t know how His face looks like. Then I heard some of The Pharisee and The Scribes tell something into this Man “Master, this woman was taken in adultery, in the very act.
Now Moses in the law commanded us, that such should be stoned: but what sayest thou? “….. oh no! He will punished me with death penalty. I also heard a sound of the rock in all people’s hand, ready to throw at me…. I am afraid, but nothing I can do….. But, still…. no answer from that Man….. he still busy to write something into the ground. Then The Pharisee and The Scribes ask Him for the second times… still…. no answer from Him. Third times, Fourth times, Fifth times….. This Man never replies their answer…… Until I heard all the people cry aloud… push this Man to put the death penalty unto me. I am confused, who is this Man? Why He still calm in the middle of the crowds?
Then suddenly, this Man rise up…. standing in front of the people and say “He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her!!” … and suddenly the voice of the crowds stopped. Wow! He is no ordinary Rabbi…. He looks like GOD itself. More than a charisma that He has. Who is this Man? Why suddenly I feel that He is my defender? Why suddenly I feel that He is my savior? After He said His simple sentences, He come back to wrote something in the ground. I must admit that this Man was very, very calm. He remained unprovoked by other people. Very different with those Pharisee…. yes… very different. Who is This Man?
*crack*….. I heard one stone falling into the ground….. no!… not one…. two… three…. four….. no!… there’s many….. I wonder if they have start to throwing at me. Still, I didn’t feel the pain in my body. Yes it is true that they start to leave the stone into the ground and start to leave me….
WHAT? I don’t believe they didn’t punished me! I try to look into them but I am still weak…. I still lay on the ground until I can hear only His finger writing into the ground…. I try hard to lift my face to look at this Great Man and finally I can lift my face… and look at Him, my Savior…
Yes… I can see His face look straight unto me and ask me “Woman, where are those thine accusers? hath no man condemned thee?” Oh… what a voice…. His voice is not only full of justice, but somehow I fell that this voice comforts me and fill my empty heart with….. abundant love…. God’s love. In the middle of my surprised, I replied “No man, Lord”… yes no one… I can’t believe it. I am a sinner, actually I must be punished. Wait !! maybe He is the one who will punished me! He stands as a judge and who knows that He is the one who have rights to kill me now. But, He replies again with an answer that…… changed my heart and my life forever “Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more. “
After He said so… then I know that He is Jesus from Nazareth. Many people talks about His miracle but I didn’t thought that He is so powerful like this. I can’t imagined with His other miracle. Just by His Word, He completely changed my life now! Although I only knew some of Torah….
Deep inside my heart, I know that He is GOD! The true man that can embrace me… comforts me when I am sad… and will always stand by my side….. stand in front of me right know! He touched me with a love of GOD… not with the love of human! More than a True Man, He is GOD itself…. and I believe that GOD heard my prayer…. and forgive me from all of my sin!
Thank you Lord Jesus… You are the true man that I searched for… Your love restored me as a new woman. Your love like a sunshine in my dark past. Now I am like a new born baby. This is my new beginning…. O Lord, what I supposed to do than stop to live a sinful life and follow Your way? Thank you so much…. Thank you GOD. I know now that You are always there…. I know that You are a living GOD….. Thank you Jesus, You are my Savior! (adapted from KJV Bible John 8:2-11)
“… Go, and sin no more.”
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