You Are The Value System Your Child Will Adopt
Posted by: richman in harold sala, tags: inspirational, manna from heavenby Dr. Harold Sala
“Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” -Proverbs 22:6
When a grandmother, then sixty years of age, authored a book on parenting, it was widely acclaimed by some and just as vehemently denounced by others. Controversial? Yes, very! The premise of The Nurture Assumption by Judith Harris is that your child’s peers are influencing him more than you are. Upsetting?
That’s to be expected, but to your shame and chagrin, she’s probably right—at least in far too many cases. Question: Are we parents assuming that we are conveying a value system to our kids by giving them our good genes and providing a good environment for them? But is the assumption really valid?
Of one thing you can be certain: Every parent—regardless of what he does or doesn’t do, either negatively or positively—is conveying a value system to his offspring. For example, take the sad case of Robert Knowles. He thought he had the formula for raising kids: give a youngster parental love, involve him in wholesome activities, and give him a good education—what else? But it didn’t work. Knowles told the press, “Suddenly after 17 years of dedicated effort, something happened to my fool-proof plan. I found I was the father of a murderer.”
Knowles’ son had made advances to his girl friend, and then when she resisted, he strangled her. The dad said, “The shock, agony and soul-searching are unbelievable. Everything you believe in is gone in one bolt of lightening that rips your heart out at the same time.” He then asked the obvious: “What went wrong? Nothing fits your notions of criminal behavior and what to do about it.”
In over 45 years of broadcasting, I have received letters from thousands of parents, and God only knows how many have ended their letter asking a sobering question: “Why? Where did I go wrong?” In all honesty, in many cases it wasn’t the parent who went wrong but the youngster who turned his back on God and the training he had grown up with, and went the wrong direction.
To what extent are your youngster’s friends responsible for what he does? To what degree does your teenager set aside what you think and what you have taught and yield to the pressure to be accepted by his peers?
If you are a parent, your goal is to grow a kid so strong that when you aren’t there, he won’t need you. Sounds good! How do you do it? That answer begins, and perhaps ends, as well, with YOU! In reality, you as a parent are his value system. If, of course, you find yourself on slippery ground when it comes to morals and values, then blame your child’s friends! That makes you feel less guilty for your own failure.
When it comes to values, they are caught—not taught. But you become the message—either negatively or positively– that your children model. In the absence of parents, peers, of course, become the powerful influence, which determines what becomes the standard.
Long ago the wise man said, “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6). The teaching and training of your offspring is perhaps the greatest and most lasting work of your life. It isn’t climbing the corporate ladder or breaking the glass barrier that puts you into the top echelon of your corporation.
Unfortunately, you only get one shot at this business of parenting, yet that’s enough when you do it right the first time. My heart goes out to every parent whose heart is broken by a wayward son or daughter. For you there is still hope.
Remember the words, “When he is old, he will not depart from it.” If you’ve really done your job, then you can trust God to do His, in His time, His way. It’s that confidence that lets you sleep nights.
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